All about Belen

  Today my sweet girl turned one.  I haven't had a lot of time to blog this past year because she keeps me so busy, and I wouldn't want it any other way.   As I was looking through the photos of the past year we spent together, I thought it was time that I shared more about her.

She LOVES animals and babies!  She is a natural nurturer.  She will carry an animal or baby around all day.  She lovingly offers hugs and sweet back pats to them.  I never taught her that, she does it all on her own.

She is a little Daredevil!  OH MY GOODNESS!  I thought little girls were full of sugar and spice and everything nice?  Belen is full of sugar, spice, everything nice, and something wild. She will climb on anything, stairs, tables, chairs, boxes, etc.  If it's a surface above floor level chances are she is contemplating climbing it, or using it to climb something else.

Belen is a fantastic explorer!  Oh how I love watching her learn and explore her curiosity.  There isn't a shelf or cupboard safe when she is around. She pulls all the books off the shelf and opens every drawer.  Every box she encounters if not usable for climbing must be emptied.  I love seeing the messes that are left in her wake. Trust me when I say mess is too tame to describe it.

She loves to read.  We spend a lot of our days reading books.  She pays such attention and enjoys turning pages.  She will often bring me a book, climb into my lap and sit patiently as I read and she turns the pages.  It's one of our favorite activities.

She is a good little eater.  She self feeds and has been doing this for months.  She is so independent, and didn't have patience for pureed foods that she started refusing at 7 months.  She loves to eat veggies, fruit and chicken.  But will eat beans, lentils and rice if she is given them.  Her favorites are mac n cheese, spaghetti, and peanut butter banana sandwiches.

She gives the best hugs.  My heart melts when she throws her arms around my neck and squeezes with all her might!  She isn't a cuddler, so Daddy and I savor these sweet moments.

She has a bit of biting problem, and she knows it!  The first time she bit me, she crawled up to me, said "KISSES" and then bit.  It hurt like heck and I was so shocked I didn't know how to respond.  Since then, she often says "Bite" and then bites.  When we tell her no, and try to redirect her, she will argue with us.
 "Belen, bites hurt, no biting." - Daddy
"Bite Bite Daddy" followed by the attempt to bite -Belen
It's hard not to laugh, but this is something we are learning to navigate.  I'm hoping it's just a phase and she gets it soon before "Bite Bite Baby" becomes her new game in May. (Suggestions?)

She is so smart!  She is such a sponge. She repeats a lot of what I say.  Her favorite things to say are "Bye," "Daddy," "Bite," and "Baby."  She says "Mom," when she is mad, or sad or needs something. She can say more and if you listen to her constant chatter you will catch it, but these are the words she says the most lately.  Of course, this changes from week to week.

She loves music.  Belen is always up for a dance party. She sings/babbles along to her favorite songs.  It's pretty darn cute.

Her favorite part of the day is when Daddy comes home.  (It might be mine too, ;) )  She knows by supper time he is due home and will start asking for him as she eats.  When he walks though the door, her face lights up and she squeals with excitement. I love watching this.

I could go on, because she doesn't stop from the moment she wakes up til the moment she falls asleep. Being her mother is the best job I have ever had.

And now for the rest of the story...

My last post was about the glories of pregnancy.  Well, after September, I finished my AS of Sociology, continued working til December, went to delightful baby showers and prepared for January.

 On January 6th, my life changed completely.

 I had gestational diabetes.  My baby was measuring at 8 1/2 lbs.  After much prayer and research, we decided to induce labor.  It was only 4 days early, but carrying her to full term was too risky for us.
I went to the hospital on Sunday January 7th at 7pm, and was given half a dose of cytotec (sp?) to help start the process. The cytotec was placed on my cervix.  At this point, my body wasn't even thinking labor. The baby wasn't dropped, I wasn't dilated at all, and I had braced myself for the worst.  At about  10pm that night, the cramping started.  Oh I was so uncomfortable!  I didn't get to sleep a wink.  I was sure they were contractions but not sure how to handle it.  I woke Derrick up a few times who didn't seem concerned.  We went back to the hospital at 7am.  By the time they checked me, the contractions were 3mins apart, but I had only dilated to a 2 and she still hadn't dropped.  I was certain that this was going to take DAYS!  I wasn't prepared for days, and I was TERRIFIED.. not to mention tired.   Well I was given a second half dose of cytotec and I was alone again for hours.  By noon, I was in soo much pain, there was no relief for the discomfort.  When I was checked I was only at a 3.  I asked for the epidural.  My Contractions were coming so quickly there was little time for rest in between and I was exhausted!  After hearing I was only at a 3, I was so disappointed and wondered if I would even see my baby that day.  The OB, told me I couldn't have til I was at a 4, but then took pity when he saw how much I was suffering after he broke my water.  I got the epidural, and soon after, was able to take a nap.  That was all my body needed.  By 4:30 I was telling the nurse I needed the bathroom now.  She politely went to get a catheter, as she was trying to place it, she felt the baby's head.  She ran and grabbed the OB, who announced I was at an 8 with a bit a lip left.  He said in about a half hour I could push.  Everyone hurried to ready the room and equipment for baby. Dr. L left the room and reappeared 5 minutes later to explain what the need to push would feel like.  I promptly indicated that I needed to push right then!  He was shocked, and checked me again to find that I indeed was ready. I pushed for 5minutes, through 3 contractions a total of 9 times and she was here!  My sweet little red headed miracle was so tiny weighing only 7lbs and 6oz!  Boy they got that one wrong.. But, her sugar was very low, and had to be watched closely for a few days.

She was so alert. She looked at me like she new me.  So tenderly in my eyes, and touched my cheek with her hand.  Everyone's heart in the room melted. I cried.  We loved her the moment we met her.

  Catherine Belen Aud
My grandmother was Mary Catherine, but was always called Catherine.  So it seemed natural to use her middle name. Naturally there was some adjustment, at the moment it seemed so overwhelming and hard.  But looking back, those first few months were magic.  There is something about building a bond, learning about being a mother and building trust with Belen that enriched my life in ways I never dreamed.  I learned a lot about relying on the Lord. ( I'll go into greater detail about that later. )

4 days old

     I am so grateful that this little creature came into our home, and is teaching how to be a family.

          

The Good, the Bad, the Pregnant... 23 weeks in.

  Oh how naive I was.  I had this vision of the glory of pregnancy.  There is nothing glamorous about this experience!

  What I thought:  Pregnant women glow! Pregnancy must be this amazing beauty enhancer!
  What I got:  Acne like I am going through puberty again!  I don't see the glow when I look in the mirror..

   What I thought:  Pregnancy makes hair look fabulous!  Thick lucious locks of hair will be mine!
   What I got:  MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT BY THE HAND FULLS!  Yes, I take my vitamins.  My Ob said not to worry because she doesn't see bald spots yet...  But I could be bald before this baby gets here.

  What I thought:  Pregnancy is just something a body does, and I'll hardly notice a thing.
  What I got:  Heartburn, fatigue, random stabbing pains here and there, back pain if I stand too long or sit too long, gas,  and various other random and inconvenient reminders that I am indeed growing a person.

   What I thought: Pregnant women can eat anything!
   What I got:  I can hardly stand the smell of pizza, much less eat it.  Avocado, forget it! Both things I enjoyed before pregnancy.

    What I thought:  Nesting is that fantastic instinct that kicks in and I will be super organized and ready for baby in no time.
     What I got:  ADD in hyper-drive!  Which means, I have started SEVERAL reorganization and decor projects, but have yet to complete one. Instead, I take a nap.

   I know, I am hardly the poster child for jumping in and starting a family based on these myth busting realizations.  However, inspite of this, I have never been  more excited to see my belly grow.  There is something indescribable about looking at an ultrasound and seeing that sweet GIRL, who is playing ninja in my tummy.  Just feeling her move is incredible.  So I'll take it.. The hair falling out, the naps, the weird food aversions.. all of it.   I have never felt more love for someone that I have never met. (Deity excluded) Pregnancy has even  changed the way I see my husband.  This process is wonderful, and uncomfortable all at the same time!

The Aud Wife becomes the Aud mother...

  It seems so unreal, yet so natural.  I can't believe it happened so fast!  I expected that this would take years, and hoped it might happen by the end of summer.  But here I am wrapping up my first trimester of pregnancy.
 
    I saw my Endocrinologist back toward the end of February and she confirmed that I have PCOS.  She prescribed me Metformin, and told me my hormones would balance out in 3 months and that if this was the right course for my body, I would be pregnant in 3 to 6 months. Month 1 was rough! But I stuck it out, and towards then end of the month I felt amazing.  Month 2 came and went uneventful.  Then suddenly a week into month 3 (April) I got the surprise of my life.  A positive pregnancy test!  I was shocked, amazed, overwhelmed, grateful, and scared.  I never thought it would happen so fast!  (not that 2+ years of trying is fast, but some women wait longer)

   The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves.  This miracle is due January 10th.  Derrick will be on winter break, he won't have to miss one class to be with the baby and me.  I will graduate in December (just an AS, not a big deal).  The timing just couldn't be better.
   Pregnancy has brought its own set of challenges.. (HOLY HORMONES BATMAN!)  But, I have never been happier to have a challenge in my life.
:)

Thank you to all my dear friends who prayed with me.  Your prayers on our behalf helped make this miracle happen!  I am forever grateful for you.

Infertility

  I think any word that starts with "in-" has a negative connotation of some nature.  Well this one is the worst for me.  I HATE IT!  As if longing for a baby isn't bad enough, it's got to come with a label?  Really?
 
    I have always wanted to be a mother.  I have known forever that God put me on this Earth for that very task.  When I married my prince, I knew it wouldn't be long.  As he and I became we, we began planning and praying.  There were a few other things the Lord asked of us first.  I was eager to comply, knowing that each task was one task closer to my earthly purpose. When the time came, and the answer was finally "yes," I never thought it might take 2+ years or that I would be broken when it came down to it.
    For a while, I would just cry month after month.  I just felt like I wasn't worthy enough.  I felt like our Heavenly Father didn't trust me with one His children.  I even tried to bargain for my heart's desire a time or two.  Everyone was eager with some new idea on how we could do this or that and it would work.  I endured question after question.. "When are you having children?"  "Why don't you have children."  I wanted to give up, but that still small voice would encourage me on.
    There are few things in this world that will grow us better or faster than having to wait for our promised blessings.  In the end, we are here to grow, I expect to wait, A LOT! .  I have been blessed throughout this trial with sweet tender mercies from the Lord.  When, I am certain they were undeserved.  They often came in moments when I was exhibiting the least amount of faith.  I have learned the best cure for selfishness and self pity is service. Through service, I have felt the love of Christ and our Heavenly Father for others, and in turn felt joy that isn't derived in any other way.  Some where along the line, I also developed courage.  Courage to look for answers.  With that, I learned last year that I am allergic to milk.  I have lost 75lbs since then.  What a huge blessing.  Then a couple months ago, I was given a diagnosis of PCOS. (Polycysitic Ovarian Syndrome)  I have a wonderful team of doctors, and they are working so hard to help me realize this promise.  I know they are a blessing as well.
      Above all, I know that we each are very different.  Our paths through this life are sacred. They differ from one another. We will each be tested and tried differently.  I am not broken.  I am just being molded, and shaped into the woman my Father designed me to be.  Sometimes, that is very literal.

Excuses!

   Let's face it, mom blogs are more fun.  I know, I read them.  Me prattling on about my work, sleep, study cycle can't compete with the cute things all those babies and children do!  I think  posting about our meals, and pictures of the messes we make don't quite have the same amount of charm. I am completely ok with that!  I would much rather read about your lives and children then have to really explain this or that.  I'm sure we all think that. But, I think it's also important to share the hard stuff, talk about the mundane things, and maybe ramble here and there.  It gives us each a sense that we really aren't that different.  We aren't alone in this big world.  In the end you never know what may happen.

    So, no more excuses, or catching up.. I'm ready for the hard conversations.

30 is better than 20!

  I turned 30 back in October.  WOW..

 30 

 It still doesn't seem real.  But, 30 is better than 20. 

At 20 I was searching for an identity, looking for answers to the big questions of life, and trying to reconcile my actions with my faith.  I wanted it to work somehow, and I wanted to do it all by myself.  I expected very little of my future.  I felt hopeless, worthless, and stuck.  

At 30, I know what I want and I know how to get it!  I have the determination to overcome adversity.  I know how to ask for help, and I know there is nothing in this world I can accomplish with out Jesus Christ.   This has made all the difference.  Bring it one life!